06 August, 2015

Thursday; Productivity

I decided around mid-June that August was going to be my most productive month. It's been 5 days, and I have started making some dumb merch over at my Redbubble account, a bunch of gif loops, and have gathered all the ingredients for more notebook making.
I'm rather proud of myself right now, even though it's 5:14am and I have midday lunch plans tomorrow and my room is filthy again.

I'm going to be in Zurich all of August. Besides gif making and all that other personal work I've got going on, I do have actual work to do as well as people coming back for exams to cling to. I stayed up until a bizarre hour to write a little in my well neglected journal last night. I'm also abandoning a lot of things just to do some animation for hours and hours in my room, but it makes me feel better somehow even though I'm starting to get a permanently red left eye from staring at the computer a little too much. 

One thing I really do need to start doing again, though, is eating properly. I can definitely feel my body falling apart slowly if I keep eating only when hungry, considering I'm almost never hungry. 

I've been working my laptop mercilessly as of the last few days, and on the first day of my super productive month, it crashed right after I freshly backed up all my files. If that isn't luck, I don't know what is. 
I've also miraculously gone back to uploading things onto my sketchblog, which is slowly turning into a gif sanctuary. This can only be a good thing. 

I saved this last loop into a bunch of gifs the whole way through, so I may post a loop making progress thing at some point this week with it, if I don't make anything better for the job. I've spent all day making this ridiculous thing. 
I love it. It's all my favourite things in one: a selfie, a loop, an animation of something dumb and impossible. I may colour it some time when I'm not so deliriously tired. 

I still don't own a scanner, nor have I found a solid place to develop and print my photos, but that's ok. I'll manage and make things with what I have.

I'm slowly going back to being okay. I still have no idea if this next semester is actually going to end up being useful to me at all in terms of academics, but I really have fallen in love with Zurich at this point. Things here are, while slightly unaffordable, really quite nice. It's occurred to me that it's completely possible for me to move to Europe for a few moments of life, which would be nice now that I have so much affection spread around here. Being two hours away from another country and culture really still blows my mind, but I would love to get used to it. 

I know that what I have here, this year, is an anomaly. I know that all the attitudes and the types of people I'm meeting here are all in a very particular mindset, and I know that I could possibly never encounter any of it ever again. I know I can't hold onto it forever. I know that, and I can still love it unconditionally, which is kind of freeing in it's own way. 
I've still had bad days while I've been here. I've been battling myself less and less, but when the bad days hit, they hit hard. I'm getting there. 
I realise that these six months and the people I've met during it have all changed me and my attitude towards a fair amount of things in my life. I can't help but be grateful. I loved who I was before this year with all of her naivety and rose tinted future, but I like where I am now, and where I'm going now. I love being in a microcosm of design and work and creativity just as much as I love meeting people who are living an entirely different reality to myself. I would love to find somewhere in between to exist, in the middle of the two. 

It's been 3 months since I've started learning how to stand on my own two feet. It's going to be long, but I'm finally starting to feel good in my own skin after all these years and years of making other people my home. I don't have that itch to run away from myself anymore. 

The sun's coming up. I should sleep. Here's to a good August.

It's the small things, 

22 June, 2015

Sunday; Throwin' back

I realised I hadn't yet put up any of the current vlogs here, so I'm fixing that. Here's today's uploads of our week long Italy road trip. 
Both the Dominiks, Mario, Grady, Megan and I went to Italy after maybe a few hours planning and the week involved copious amounts of pizza, gelato, our soccer mum 7-seater bread van and backseat car alcohol (for tunnelling purposes). In Megan's demands for highs and lows, this week was definitely a high point. 

I am, as always and as expected, behind on vlogs at the moment. In fact, it's still mid-April according to my Vlogue Season 2 playlist. But that's ok, I've about 6 or 7 left until I'm updated (and I haven't been recording quite as much lately since I'm rather more concentrated on not being too sad about all the exchange children leaving my arms). 

On Friday I bought myself a big stack of blank loose leaf paper but still haven't found the time to sit down at a desk and destroy a few pages with a brush pen. But soon. 
I still don't have a scanner, but we'll manage. 

How is it June already? I'm almost halfway through this year of emotional rollercoaster. My head isn't above water but I'm growing gills I guess. Life is terrifying, strange and beautiful. I miss cheap watermelon. 

Please watch Chappie

02 June, 2015

Monday; I miss you

Hello, my favourites.

It's been two whole months, and I can't be sorry. I'm sorry about that, though. I've been a wreck. Things are missing. I'm missing things. 

I've never been homesick in my life, but sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up and realise that there are these parts of me that I probably can't ever fix to anywhere, which is okay most of the time. Lately it's been less and less okay. I just have to move forward I guess. 

Things are different, again. I can be as nonlinear, as self destructive, as pretentious as I like. 

This time last year, we still talked about that rose tinted future. It's kind of a sweet memory, really. I wish I just put everything into storage. I miss that kind of organised chaos I had going on. The photographer might not even remember taking this photo. I still have presents to send home. 

Except I don't have a home, I guess. That's not really part of the equation. 

I had an essay due two and a half hours ago. I haven't finished it yet. But I miss my wall of window, three apartments ago. I miss my white tiles, and the dining table we had. 

I miss my reference books. I even miss my shoeboxes of letters and knick knacks that are simultaneously too painful to throw away, or look at. I miss taking discarded shit and making art and art club and discarding art. I really miss art club. 

I miss caring about things. Here, I only care about people. Which is good when you consider that I care entirely too much about all people and all things, but slightly not good when you consider that I'm slowly twisting myself into a hole I don't think I can climb out of. I probably can. It seems more impossible when you're down here, looking up. 

It's just been a long time. 

This really is the first time I've ever missed places. Sydney is home after all. Nostalgia hits hard. It's hard when situations change so fast and so sudden, but even that will change eventually. 

La Sardina takes really nice photos, actually. 

Things to do: 
  • develop all the rolls of film currently sitting in my room
  • learn how to be alone
  • pack for the last Hoorah Barcelona trip time
  • do my laundry
  • write the four thousand papers that are due in the next two weeks
  • buy fruit
  • draw

Onwards, my loves, 

28 March, 2015

Saturday; Shameful (but not really)

It's been a solid two months of being in Zürich, my friends. Here is a list of topics that I could have written this blog post about.

  • I've been vlogging and travelling more than I've been blogging and drawing and still need to buy a scanner
  • So far I've been to Amsterdam, Davos, Berlin, Konstanz, Antwerpen, Brussels, and Fribourg. I have plans for Tübingen, for a road trip down Italy, another film festival in Nyon, and then (skipping a few weeks) Barcelona, Annecy International Animated Film Festival and Bologna's Cinema Ritrovato.
  • This is the first weekend I've spent in Zürich since the first weekend of me arriving in Switzerland
  • Xxxxxtreme Deutsch is over but I've managed to still not sort out all my classes completely
  • All my sketchbooks are shamefully empty so I would definitely not consider myself settled in yet, even after two whole months
  • I have sent out some postcards so if you want a postcard or several please let me know and I'll send you some strange words
  • I urgently need to find a place to develop my rolls of film but where do I even begin to look for that
  • Very seriously considered dropping out of ICS to just travel but will see where this semester takes me before I make rash decisions
  • I really miss pub food and Japanese food and Chinatown
  • I went to Fribourg International Film Festival and watched a bunch of amazing films but missed out on A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence and it's killing me I really need it in my life

Things are spiralling a little out of my grasp at this point, but I don't think that that's too bad of a thing to be happening. 
I'll write again soon and hopefully have a little more order to my life. But really, I've had too much order in my life in the past forever. 

Hang loose, 

02 February, 2015

Sunday; No More Lag

Important things I still need to do urgently:

  • Find a way to regularly access a scanner
  • Buy a pillow, buy hangers, buy a scanner? Buy a rug? Buy a mirror, buy food! Buy some long sleeve shirts, buy a black scarf
  • Find at least another 2 more credit points ontop of the pending subjects in the next 2 - 3 days
  • Find some decent coffee and a decent pub
I moved into housing today, unpacked most of my stuff, figured out my class tomorrow and now I'm on top of the world. All that's left are those things and with those I'll be right at home. 
Intensive xxxtreme German class tomorrow, wish me luck. 


29 January, 2015

Thursday; Still Jet Lagged


Here's the rest of my selectively chosen photos from my birthday. I have no idea who took any of these since I wasn't really around. I threw a few disposables and left them floating around all night, and it was probably one of my best choices of the night. 
Once these are uploaded onto Facebook you'll never hear of me talking about my 21st/goodbye party (parties) again. 

I'm currently hiding at home and avoiding the cold and also paperwork. 4 out of the 6 subjects were booked the moment subject selections were opened up at 10am yesterday, which sucks because now I have to do that thing where I sit at the computer and constantly check it to see if there are spaces in the class. I hate baby sitting technology, but paperwork is worse. 

Was ist mein Telefonnummer?

28 January, 2015

Wednesday; Jet Lag

Ryan's accidental MySpace vibes is my favourite out of everything so far. 
More birthday photos soon to come as I edit them, and then the full album will be up on the FaceBooks. Also a new vlog playlist

Grüezi for real,