02 December, 2019

update; this space, this place

Truly, life is passing at an unexpected rate these days.

This mantra is getting pretty old, but time does feel like it's flying faster than it used to. Maybe it's because I do more things now. Maybe it's because I am, overall, much happier than I used to be. Maybe it's because I'm getting older.




I am in a slow process of looking at this blog and reevaluating what I want for it. For a short period of time, I considered abandoning it altogether - I am growing past the need for intense online documentation, especially in a space that is only kind of in front of people. I don't see the need to separate my honest thoughts and/or struggles from people in my life anymore and often post the things I used to post here onto my regular social media.
I had been putting off going through my old content to organize tags and things like that, considering how much of what's here is low key triggering. There are photos of people who are no longer in my life, or welcomed back. This blog has spanned a huge chunk of my conscious memories, which is one of the reasons why I have decided to continue keeping it.
It's odd to consider that I would keep something for the exact same reason I would have abandoned it in the past. I really am growing.

Over the next few weeks I'll be planning what kind of content I'd like to keep posting here, in 2020. I'd have had this blog for 8 years next year, which is more than I've ever even lived in one place. I would like to keep things in my life in a way that I've never done before.

The old tag system was inefficient, and a bit silly. I redid it once but it was even more inefficient and sillier than the first. I don't think I ever thought I would manage to keep this around for so long. I spent a lot of time starting and abandoning new ways of recording my life. I think I'll be starting a new system once again, but this time I'd like to be much more intentional with longevity in mind. I'd like to keep this blog for as long as I can. Perhaps if I ever move from Blogger I can just migrate all the content over to another system.




Another thing I'd like to start doing is posting long form content here about the different mental health things that I am doing. At this point, I have been in fairly consistent therapy for about 2 years, and the different things that I am learning and posting about on other social media has been useful for other people but I have only been posting them as momentary things. Social posts are timely. I'd like to archive my own journey in a way that is easier to look back on.
I enjoy the learning and unlearning process, even though it puts me through the appropriate amount of pain. I enjoy sharing my learning and unlearning process, although I'm afraid that there will be a time when I finally encounter people who will react negatively to my sharing. It would be unbelievable that I've only encountered positive feedback up until this point - if it weren't true. Which it is. For the amount of fear I had about sharing, this has been a spectacular success. Surely it wouldn't be this way outside my regular bubble, if so many people fear it in the same way. I'm not sure. We'll approach this experiment together!

When these current editions of Articulation and Amelioration sell out I'll be putting copies online, perhaps under a password. I'm still very weary of the idea of spreading this work. Eventually I would like to get some help to get them translated and self publish hardcover copies. I'm also thinking about a third, since I've worked on myself so dramatically over the past year, but it's something that's still in it's infancy and there's a pressure about it that I can't really work through yet. Maybe the wounds I'd like to have in the third haven't really healed over yet. I'm not sure, but I'll work it out.

It's a good way to summarize my year, really. I'm not sure, but I'll work it out.




I know this has failed in the past, but I will post more. Thank you for watching this space. More to come! (always)
Annie.